Learning communication for sex, learning communication for life

BSAB: The Numb Nub

Why Is It Bad?

This is one of those urban myths that has about as much validity to it as masturbation causing hair to grow on your palms. It exists for pretty much the same reason as well. It’s just used to scare people away from experiencing pleasure. People are made to fear that using a vibrator will make it permanently impossible to orgasm with a partner, when quite the opposite can be true. Unfortunately, the fear of desensitization keeps some people away from vibrators and sometimes masturbation altogether. This means they never get to explore their bodies for themselves. In the worst cases it prevents people who have never experienced orgasm before, from ever experiencing one at all.

What Can You Do Instead?

For some people using a vibrator actually increases sensitivity, or more accurately, it increases the ease with which orgasm is reached. These are generally the same folks who couldn’t reach orgasm before (on their own or with a partner). One explanation is that thanks to the more frequent orgasms reached through the use of a vibrator, their body becomes more accustomed to reaching orgasm. Almost like muscle memory.

For the sake of clarity, there are some instances when people feel numb immediately after use of a vibrator. However, this is temporary – usually lasting only a few minutes to a few hours. This happens for essentially the same reason that you might feel numb after sitting on the toilet for too long. You can also feel the same from any other heavy stimulation that is done for an extended period of time, whether that be by hand or from particularly vigorous penetrative sex. It should pass. Our bodies are just amazing like that.

Vibrators can be a great way to explore sensation during sex, on your own and with others. For those that have difficulty with orgasm, a vibrator can be exactly what you need to get you over the edge. When used with a partner, the position you choose makes a big difference, but there are hands free vibrators now that make positioning even less of a factor.

When I say explore, I mean explore. Vibrators aren’t only for clits and the people that have them. They can be used on any body and all over the body for pleasure. So if you have the opportunity, and if you’ve been afraid of incorporating vibrators into your play before, I encourage you to try it.

Explore. Learn. And while you’re at it, have some fun!

See you next week.


P. S. Is there a piece of advice you want me to cover? Send it my way.

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