Learning communication for sex, learning communication for life

BSAB: “She’s wet, she’s ready”

Why Is It Bad?

What might not seem obvious from these few words is how quickly an opportunity for growth and real human interaction was transformed into objectification. We have someone who is curious and asks “how do I know when my partner is ready?” and instead of being told how to interact with a person, their partner was reduced to a body part. To make things worse, it’s not even accurate.

There are a plethora of reasons a person might be wet that have nothing to do with being ready for sex. The most frequent reason is probably just random wetness, just like people get random* erection. Morning wood? Yeah, there’s morning wetness too. Geometry class got you creating some stiff shapes in your pants? Algebra might have someone feel like they’re swimming instead. Ovulation often causes increases in lubrication for a day or a couple of days in advance. Sorry for the surprise, but the wetness you’re feeling, it might just be discharge or sweat. And sometimes people just get wet as a purely physiological response to physical stimulation, regardless of whether or not it’s desired.

This kind of “advice” discourages genuine and open communication, which is a real loss for everyone involved.

*Note: It’s not actually random. It is your body’s way of maintaining those body parts since they don’t always have a full supply of blood flow like the rest of your body does.

What Can You Do Instead?


It may seem simple but many of us are afraid to do so. Sometimes it is because we’ve been taught that sex isn’t something we are supposed to talk about; because we have never talked about it so we don’t know how, or because we’ve been taught that we should “just know.”

Are you also afraid asking might ruin the mood? It’s not like you are suddenly going to turn into a robot and ask “Are you ready for physical engagement?” (although I can think of a few ways to make that sound funny or sexy, depending on what you’re into). Asking is as simple as “Are you ready?,” “Do you want me inside you?,” or “Mmm, is that how turned on I make you?” It might seem silly out of context, but it works. Trust me.

If you’re the one getting wet, you don’t have to be passive either. Feel free take the reins, and let your partner know you’re ready. It can be as simple as “I’m ready for you,” “I want you inside me,” or “You make me so wet.”

Don’t limit yourself to my words. Make your own. If you’re like me, then you like being prepared. I recommend having a few lines like these ready, especially if you have a hard time being vocal or thinking of words when you’re in the heat of the moment.

Learn to ask for what you want, it’s one of the greatest powers we have.

See you next week.


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